I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we're making bets on your personal life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
