he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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