her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
