are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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