I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
