Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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