Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
