So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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