so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
