I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
