Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
