and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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