Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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