so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
