i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
