What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
