I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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