Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
