this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
