Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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