you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
