oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
