first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
