I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
