you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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