i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
