singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
