it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
