I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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