did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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