I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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