Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
