take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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