We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
