he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
