watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
