After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I color on your dick again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
