I just cut my nipple shaving
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
