She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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