You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i barfeds in our rink
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
