i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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