When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she looked like the before picture.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
