My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
