I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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