You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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