i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
