I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
