if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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