Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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