she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
