Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
