Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
