Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
