All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
