Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
