From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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