So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
