Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
